The Weight Nobody Talks About in Midlife
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Before my mom died, I was reading a book about burnout.
A week later, I was saying goodbye.
The shift felt almost impossible to process.
One moment I was trying to understand why I felt so exhausted all the time. The next, I was helping say goodbye to one of the most important people in my life.
And somewhere between those two things, I stopped wondering how to become more productive and started wondering how much one person is actually supposed to carry.
We talk a lot about menopause now, which is a good thing.
For too long, women were told to quietly accept symptoms that affected every part of their lives.
But lately I've found myself wondering if hormones are only part of the conversation.
Because when I look around at women in midlife, I see people carrying an incredible amount of emotional weight.
Parents aging. Kids growing up. Careers. Businesses. Relationships. Finances. Health concerns.
The realization that life isn't endless.
And sometimes grief sitting on top of all of it.
The other day, I saw a post on social showing two towers of Lego.
The question was simple:
How do you make them the same height?
Most people immediately answered the same way.
Add more Lego to the shorter tower.
And honestly, that's how most of us approach life.
Need more energy? Add something.
Want better health? Add something.
Another habit.
Another routine.
Another supplement.
Another thing to remember.
But there was another answer.
Take Lego away from the taller tower.
And I haven't stopped thinking about that.
Because before grief arrived, I was already tired.
Not because I wasn't taking care of myself but because life had become heavy.
Then my mom got sick.
Then came hospice.
Then grief arrived and asked for a place too.
I think that's why so many women in midlife feel exhausted in ways they struggle to explain.
It's rarely one thing, it's everything.
Not one big boulder, but a hundred smaller rocks we've been carrying for years.
And somewhere along the way, we've convinced ourselves the answer is to become stronger so we can carry even more.
What if that's the wrong question?
Lately, I've been wondering what I can put down.
What expectations can I release? What can wait?
What am I carrying simply because I've convinced myself I should?
Because maybe the answer isn't learning how to carry more.
Maybe it's recognizing that this season is already heavy.
Maybe it's giving ourselves permission to stop adding blocks.
And maybe that's not failure.
Maybe that's wisdom.
If you're feeling exhausted right now, it might not be because you're doing something wrong. It might simply be because you're carrying more than anyone can see. ❤️
xo Aelie
